Alone? That was me almost a year ago. Sullen, empty. I wore many masks to hide, to pretend and to scape to the sadness that never seems to leave me. It embraces me at night, it’s killing me slowly. It’s always there and soon it became my best buddy. I grew fond of it, until it bestowed me my wish, to be numb..
Pain become my companion as I took my journey. Pain taught me to forget the pain and hurt I’ve been through, I hated love, commitments, relationships, it disgusts me seeing couples cuddling, kissing, hugging and showing affection and passion to each other.
Pain grew inside me, it taught me all the not-so-good reactions I’ve been but it also made me realize and gave me the lesson and realization in life…
that I should love myself and accept whatever and whoever I am right now. I suddenly thought that being single, alone is not a curse.
But it is a "gift", A gift that not everybody learn to love, like and appreciate..."
And that time, "Yes I was alone, single but I’m happy." I’m contented, I did have enough time to value myself, love myself and be myself. There was a time that still haunts me, dragging me to the dungeon of sadness again but I can fight it.
My weapon..
Prayers, family and friends...
When memories flash back, I just caught myself smiling, realizing that I was crazily, madly and deeply in love before with the person I thought the one I’ll be growing old with.
I was completely insane in love. I did crazy and silly stuffs for love but I suddenly realized that I should learn to accept and love myself first before loving and giving my whole self to someone and committing with that person forever.
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