Dealing With Commitment Phobia

Can you recognize the signs of commitment phobic? You’ve found yourself what you consider to be a great guy/girl, at least in the beginning of the relationship. But after months of dating, he begins to pull away from you. Before you beat yourself up over this guy/girl and think you’re the reason to blame for his or her reluctance to be in a committed relationship, stop and think about it. The odds are high that he has a fear of commitment and trail of past relationships, each of which ended with a great girl left behind. His commitment phobia isn’t anything new; he was looking for a way out a week or two into your relationship.

Commitment phobia is the fear and avoidance of having to commit to anything, relationships in particular. Usually the sufferer will be overly critical of the other partner in the relationship. They will set out to annoy or hurt the other person, thus sabotaging the relationship even if its thought to be going well. 

Sometimes the commitment phobic will reject others from the word go, thus not allowing a potential relationship to develop and keeping themselves at a safe distance. Other people with commitment phobia can be flirtatious and affectionate and appear to want a relationship until the fear wins out and the other person is pushed away, broken hearted.

Some commitment phobics genuinely want to meet Mr or Miss Right and get married, but will often have somewhat unrealistic ideals regarding possible suitors. They may fall in love with someone who they know isn’t interested in a long-term relationship.

Why do they behave like this?

You need not search for reasons for the souring of the relationship. You should also not blame yourself for what has happened. You must realize that commitment phobia is an emotional disorder, and you have become a victim of a person suffering from such a disorder.

According to psychologists, the commitment phobia behave like this because they suffer from certain beliefs about relationships. This may happen because:

1. As a sensitive child, a commitment phobia 's world was torn by a bitter divorce between his parents.

He grew up with a feeling that there can be no permanent relationship between a man and a woman. Such a relationship can only bring pain in the long run.

2. Some commitment phobia cannot reconcile to the death of their father or mother or forget the sadness and grief that overcame their parents when one of them died.

They therefore grow up with the feeling of not to enter into permanent relationships – relationships that can bring pain on account of the death of a loved one.

3. Some commitment phobia may have been betrayed by those whom they loved.

This would have created a mindset of never to give in to a woman again. 

How to spot a commitment phobia?

For any woman it is important to spot commitment phobia - that is men who suffer from commitment phobia - early in the relationship. This is the only way they can keep their feet firmly on the ground, and not get swept away by the charm offensive launched by such men.

Fortunately, the commitment phobia are very predictable and display several common traits. These are:

1. They have been involved in several relationships in the past, but all of them have been brief.

The reason, they will charmingly tell you, is that they are yet to come across a woman of their dreams, someone with whom they can have a lifelong relationship. You are that woman, they will tell you. It is for you to spot the lie or swallow it hook, line and sinker.

2. They would show much more interest in you that you do in them.

They will follow you, beseech you, please you, woo you - try every trick in the trade to win you over.

They will even drop hints of long and stable relationships; they will talk of "we" and "us" not "I" and "me".

3. They will make you feel very special.

They will shower you with love and affection. They will make you feel their world will come to an end if you spurn them or misunderstand them. You will find it impossible to resist them, unless you realize what is happening.

However, this ardent wooing will be limited to the first phase of the relationship. The relationship will take a different turn the moment you surrender It is not that such men treat women as trophies to be won, and then displayed in their personal museums; but they are driven by contradictory feelings. They neither want to give up a woman nor want to commit themselves to her. It is a psychological disorder. But it can have serious effects both on the relationship, and on you.