Is it Love or is it just Lust?

Do you think you’re in love, or is it just lust? These two emotions are inseparable. Lust is responsible for hormones -- it's a natural way of bringing a man and woman together to mate. In fact, without lust, it's uncertain that perfect love between opposite sexes would have a chance to grow at all.

The concept of the sex connects the difference between the almost incompatible brain styles of the two sexes. Hence, lust can be seen as one end of a wide range, which may or may not end in romantic love.

Love is the most dominant of all human emotions -- inspiring, self-sacrificing and capable of creating emotional conditions that can make the man want to be a “better” partner. Men fight wars over lust, but they make homes and families for love.

Do Lust Lasts?

Lust is often mistaken for love.  In the dictionary you’ll find definitions that include "An intense longing, desire, or need," and  “Unrestrained sexual craving.”

Feelings of lust trigger a flood of testosterone, the sex hormone in men and women.  It stems from physical attraction and sexual chemistry, a powerful force that can induce strong sexual desire, diverting blood flow to the sexual organs.  Research at Maudsley Hospital in London reports that lust causes the brain to produce the same reaction as if on cocaine or speed.  “Lust really is like a drug, it leaves you wanting more,” Dr. John Marsden, director of the National Addiction Center, is quoted as saying.  But, lust can easily fade when the sex becomes predictable or the person’s character flaws come to the surface.

When Love Dives In

The dictionary defines love as “A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person.”  It also includes: “A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.”

Feelings of love induce a rush of dopamine, a feel-good chemical that increases pleasure and imprints memories.  Love also induces oxytocin, a ‘bonding’ substance that helps to build and maintain consistently successful relationships.  Physically, the emotional part of the brain is stimulated, making the heart beat faster and causing butterflies in the stomach.  A couple who can combine love with lust, the blending of emotional and physical chemistry can experience compatibility and live an enriched life together. 

In Love With Lust

For men, lust is a strong experience; the brain goes on hold and fiery surges of testosterone run the show. Lust, similar to love, is truly blind. This is why, particularly at the beginning of a relationship, it can be hard to tell whether you're in lust or love -- whether she may be "The One," or just a passing fancy who'll have your blood boiling for only a short while.

This is because men are effortlessly skilled of engaging in sex before they hearth emotional bonds with a woman -- and those raging hormones can easily disguise themselves as feelings of love.

The actual risk is that both lust and love can take from a man of his natural strength and defenses -- and then it's all too easy to hand his male power over to a woman for sex-ploitation .

Lust is particularly risky because it causes a man to think with his crotch and throw all reason and logic to the wind. When a man's in lust he doesn't care if he and his partner have anything in common. He's not interested in where she comes from or where she's going. His brain is only fixated on using his key to unlock the door to the secret cave. If his partner's only in lust, she'll use this against him, but if they're both falling in love, this sexuality is a bond.

When Lust Mistakenly Called Love

Not all of us are so happy together. The survey revealed that 29% of men and 19% of women plan to leave their partner. According to Linda Blair, a writer and psychologist, conduct a survey of some 3,000 individuals has found that one in 5 adults claim to be "in love with someone other than their partner". This "other" is usually a friend or coworker. "Even in a happy relationship," a spokesman for the polling firm told yesterday's Daily Mail, "it seems to be possible to have a wandering eye or even crave affection from another person."

So far, the human brain is geared up to imagine that which is not – "Would I be happier with her as my lover?" – and to make comparisons – "Would he be easier to live with than my current partner?" We're also more likely to imagine what life might be like with people we bump into in our everyday life – friends and colleagues – than with people we've never really met.

However the report goes on to claim that one in 25 people say they have been in love with someone else for more than 5 years and one in 50 say they have loved another for as long as they could remember. Furthermore, 29% of men and 19% of women say they plan to leave their partner.

Now I don't know about you, but I find those latter statistics both surprising and incredibly intimidating. It's so sad to think that at least one in five of us feels that our current situation is so unsatisfying that we're planning to leave it, and that we've believed for some time that there's someone better "out there". However, instead of adding to the general disappointment that's outwardly lush, I'd like to put these findings into some sort of context.

It's generally accepted in psychological circles that more people in the western world today are feeling unhappy and dissatisfied, particularly with regard to their relationships. We know, for example, that divorce rates are fostering, especially among the over-60s, and that many younger people – particularly men in their 30s – report disturbingly high rates of loneliness and unhappiness. What could lie behind this unhappiness?

There are, I believe, 3 reasons why unhappiness is so common today. The first – and possibly the most critical – is our misunderstanding about what it means to be "IN LOVE". When asked, I suspect most people would describe being in love as feeling strongly attracted to someone else, as considering another person to be tremendously desirable. When people are in love, we imagine that they're always preoccupied with thoughts of their beloved, and that they want nothing more than to be with that person.

Actually, however, these feelings don't describe love at all. They describe LUST! Lust is an early physical attraction to another person. It's overwhelmingly powerful and it's driven by pheromones – although we're not usually aware of that. When we're madly attracted to someone else, it's because we sense (instinctively) that they'd make an excellent genomic match, someone who would allow us to produce the strongest and healthiest offspring. Lust is all about the survival of our DNA. It's not about long-term compatibility, about "happily ever after".

Love, on the other hand, isn't an abrupt feeling. It grows over time. Love is more affiliated to a friendship than to a coupling. To paraphrase the psychiatrist M Scott Peck, love is the desire to cover you – at whatever personal cost – for the purpose of nurturing the growth and helping the dreams of another individual. Love is effortful; it involves personal sacrifice, and it grows slowly. Love is not about "ME" – what I can have? – It’s about "YOU"—what can I do to make your life richer? When we separate "LOVE" from "LUST" in this way, it's less distressing to note that one in 5 people desire someone other than their partner. They're simply confusing lust with love.

Fair enough, you might say. But what about the fact that the respondents claim to have had these feelings for many years? Didn't I just say that lustful feelings don't last long? They don't if put to the test. But people imagine that lustful feelings can by themselves hold a relationship together forever. And this brings us to the second reason why so many people are feeling unhappy in today's society. We find it difficult to distinguish between what we have and what we imagine we could have. That's not surprising. We're constantly bombarded with images of "PERFECT" bodies, and stories of "IDYLLIC" relationships which, as soon as they're no longer idyllic, can easily be traded in for another idyllic relationship. These images and stories, together with the advertising mantra that "you deserve better", has led many to believe that "better" is outside of us, somewhere, if only we can find it.

Finally, the third reason why so many of us are feeling unhappy is that we're constantly reminded of the myriad options from which we can supposedly choose. We're repeatedly told that "there's a whole world out there, just waiting for you", and that if your current relationship isn't working, you simply need to leave it, because there will be plenty of others to choose from. Instead of making us feel rich, this suggestion of endless choice leaves us feeling ambiguous when we finally do choose a partner. Instead of setting to work to bring that relationship alive, we may start to wonder if we really have chosen the "RIGHT" one. Maybe we should search a bit more, for a bit longer? The doubt stops us from truly committing.

These 3 reasons may help explain the depressing findings of this survey. But I can't help but wonder why so many people continue to live their lives feeling so unsatisfied, when there's an alternative, a way to feel more content. A better way to live, I believe, is to stop searching outside of the self for someone who can "MAKE" you happy. Happiness, satisfaction, contentment – call it what you will – isn't something you'll find "out there". Instead, it's something that you'll create when you decide to work with what you already have.

Of course, there will be situations in which you will have tried everything you can think of, and you've done so repeatedly, and still things aren't working out. But in the vast majority of cases, a change of attitude is all that would be necessary to alleviate the great weight of unhappiness so many of us feel. The key to happiness has nothing to do with what you do or don't have. It's all about what you decide to do with what is already yours.

Premarital Sex - Positives And Negatives

Premarital Sex - Positives and Negatives

"Is it ok to have premarital sex?" That is a universal query amid teens and engrossed couples. Perhaps you are in a bond that is progressing in that main purpose, but you're not definite what to do. In your psyche, you are possibly weighing the pros and cons of premarital sex. On the optimistic boundary of the scale, there is acceptance from your looks, expect for enjoyment, and the fulfillment of intimate desires. The opposing boundary of the scale carries the weights of ethics, dread of pregnancy or illness, and guilt. How perform these sizes balance? What is the right decision? Let's take a view at some of the facts. 

Premarital Sex - Is it Moral?
Morality is a element for more population when making a determination if or not to have premarital sex. Is it a element for you? After all, the communications we accept from most video presentations and cinemas these days advises us "everyone is performing it." In light-weight of today's permissive stance, your looks may consider you're bizarre to even query it.

But possibly there is a thing indoors you, like a voice in your head, which is establishing you indecisive about if or not sex before wed is a right or erroneous action. Many population cite to this voice as their conscience. How can you recognize if your "conscience" is right? People all throughout the world view to the Bible as a significance or spiritual journal, so let's observe what it declares about premarital sex.

Same Sex Relationship: An Important Role

Unlike a heterosexual relationship, a lesbian relationship provides more freedom than restrictions. However, eventually every lesbian relationship suffers from one common drawback: the fear of society in which one has to survive. All relationships are based on love, understanding and expectations. The same holds true for lesbian relationships. A difference of opinion occurs on grounds of whether or not the lesbian identity should be concealed from the society. Insecurity builds up if one of the partners opts to conceal the relationship from the society. Even if a lesbian couple overcomes the homophobia factor, there are other relevant issues regarding the social background, attitudes and most importantly the age difference between both the partners. In order to make any relationship a success, both the individuals need to provide enough space to each other. This might create a problem if one of the partners is dominating in nature. The other partner might feel rejected due to such demanding tendencies. It therefore becomes obvious that both the partners need to get fine tuned with each other's behavioral patterns.

There is a common saying that "no two fingers are alike". Unnecessary differences can lead to depression and unwanted conflicts. In case a conflict does arise, the best possible solution is to talk about it and resolve the issue there and then. To assume that time would become a healing factor can lead to inevitable break up of the relationship. One of the partners might not have an understanding nature. In such a case, it becomes the sole responsibility of the other partner to revive the existing relationship and give a new meaning to it. One must not forget that there are numerous social elements that make a lesbian relationship a hard ship to sail. If both the partners feel that there is a need of involving a mutually trusted friend to resolve the conflict, they should go ahead and do so. Usually a third person can judge better which one of the two partners is more demanding and dominating.

At the end, what needs to be remembered is that it's always better to forgive and forget the mistakes of the one you love. Yes, this is tough, but good things don't come that easily. The need to avoid a break up increases manifolds if the relationship is known in the society. It becomes the moral responsibility of both the partners to become strength of each other, rather than becoming a weakness. The amount of love, caring and understanding is required more in case of a lesbian relationship as compared to any heterosexual relationship.

Coming out - So you're gay or lesbian. Okay, that's the easy part.

Perhaps you have 'come out' to your family and friends and are openly living a gay lifestyle, perhaps you have only shared this revelation about yourself with a few closest to you, or perhaps you are still working up the courage required to share this part of yourself with others at all. Whatever your situation may be, your next step is to find that special someone with whom you can spend your time - or even spend the rest of your life.

That's the hard part!

But it doesn't have to be!

Wouldn't it be nice to be able to meet someone of the same sex, date them, fall in love with them, get married to them, and live happily ever after? Of course it would!

Every person is unique and so is every relationship, but relationships do have common threads, common issues, and common problems. Whether a relationship is heterosexual or homosexual, there will be some common concerns, issues, problems, and situations that arise.

However, homosexual relationships have some very specific and unique difficulties.

Whatever place you are in your life - whether you are just venturing out into dating, have already met someone to spend your time with, or you are on the mend from a relationship and ready to venture out again - there will be something in this book to which you can relate. You will be provided information and resources, as well some shared personal stories about dating experiences, same-sex relationships, and you will then be walked through the entire process of finding your perfect same-sex mate…from the first meeting all the way to 'happy ever-after.'

Fetishism: Obsessive fascination

Fetishism

The term "fetishism" was coined in the late 1800s. It originates from the Portuguese word feitico, which means "obsessive fascination".  There is a degree of fetishistic arousal in most normal individuals who find particular bodily features attractive. However, fetishistic arousal is generally considered a problem when it interferes with normal sexual or social functioning and where sexual arousal is impossible without the fetish object.

A fetish exists when a person is sexually aroused by a nonliving object. It can manifest in two ways, one more extreme than the other. One form associates coitus with some object (most frequently women's panties or other undergarments¹ ). It is relatively harmless if the action is taken playfully and is acceptable to the person's partner. Focus on certain parts of the body (feet, hair, ears, etc) aside from those part of the pleasurable foreplay, can become fetishistic in its hold on the individual.

Fetishism is characterized as a disorder when there is a pathological assignment of sexual fixation, fantasies or behaviors toward an inanimate object -- frequently an item of clothing -- such as underclothing or a high-heeled shoe -- or to nongenital body parts -- such as the foot. Only through use of this object can the individual obtain sexual gratification. The fetishist usually holds, rubs or smells the fetish object for sexual gratification or asks their partner to wear the object during sexual encounters. Fetishism is a more common occurrence in males, and the causes are not clearly known.  Fetishism falls under the general category of paraphilias, abnormal or unnatural sexual attractions.

Inanimate object fetishes can be categorized into two types: form fetishes and media fetishes. In a form fetish, the object and its shape are important, such as high-heeled shoes. In a media fetish, the material of the object is important, such as silk or leather. Inanimate object fetishists often collect the object of their favor. In some cases, the fetishism is severe enough to inspire the fetishist to acquire objects of his desire through theft or assault. Fetishists smell, rub or handle these objects while masturbating or ask their sex partners to wear the objects; male fetishists may be unable to get erections without the presence of the objects. Nearly all fetishists are male, though some women also exhibit fetishism.

The more extreme form of fetishism is when a nonliving object completely substitutes for a human partner, such as underwear, boots, and shoes or such textured objects as velvet or silk. Here, orgasm is achieved when the person is alone, fondling the object.

Other common objects used by fetishists are panties, bras, slips, stockings, other intimate apparel, footwear and gloves. Common materials other than those listed above also include rubber and fur. For some, merely a picture of the fetish object may arise the fetishists, though most prefer or require the actual object. It is not about the person who has worn the object, rather it is about the object itself. Examples of animate fetish objects include hair, legs and buttocks.

Fetishism excludes cross-dressing and objects specially designed for sexual use such as vibrators and dildos.

Feminism: Estrogen power!!!

"Yes, I am a feminist, but I do not hate men. "

First of all, being a feminist does NOT mean that you are a man-hater. If you were a man-hater, you would very simply call yourself a man-hater, and not a feminist. Simply hating men does not turn you into a feminist, or vice versa. True, there are many women who hate men, and some of these women tend to call themselves feminists. There are feminists that do hate men, but they do so because of their own personal reasons, and do not represent feminism as it stands. Often men tend to get defensive when they meet a woman who calls herself a feminist. There is really no reason to. A feminist does not want to put men down in order to pull women up. What she wants is to create awareness of the fact that women deserve equal rights and opportunity as men.


In fact, my feminism has taught me how to understand the constraints of our cultural definition of masculinity on men, just as I am constrained by expectations of femininity. For example, the negative associations in our culture with behavior construed as female (such as focus on the aesthetic and emotional displays of any kind) has lead to the denigration of those men who demonstrate these qualities, because they resemble the lower, and the feminine. I argue (and this is not my argument alone, by any means) that homophobia is thus derived from a fear and loathing of the female, which is also known as misogyny.

Ironically, although some doors to traditional male roles have opened for women, fewer doors to traditional female roles have opened to men – men who take on artistic or aesthetic professions face pejorative stereotypes of homosexuality, and the number of working moms clearly overwhelms the number of stay-at-home dads. This is because we live in a society so entrenched in misogyny that we devalue the contributions of these traditionally feminine roles of tending, raising and teaching children. The deprecation of these contributions is most obvious in the fact that women’s labor in raising children is excluded from the neoclassical economic analysis of GDP per capita (thanks Jeff!), despite the fact that without accounting for women’s labor in the home, the model explains “less than 16% of the variation in female rates.

One of the fundamental distinctions made in Women and Gender Studies is the distinction between sex- the biological composition of one’s body- and gender- the socially construction and assignment of a role on the basis of sex. In this discussion, we are talking about gender, not sex. Feminism is the belief that men and women should be valued equally, even though they are not the same biologically. However, this is distinct from “equalism” because it recognizes that given the historical, systematic oppression of women, equality can only result from an increase in the cultural value and economic rewards of the feminine.
Dr. King’s dream that “one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal’” draws upon the U.S. Declaration of Independence, the founding document of this nation, written by Thomas Jefferson.

Therefore, by this argument, the real feminism must be a deconstruction of these prejudices we have about gender identity, just as real civil rights must be the deconstructions of the prejudices we have about racial identity. This is why I’m not a manhater – because that would be unfeminist and counterproductive.

Man Hater Vs. Feminist (Part 1)

Why is it that man-haters are inclined to be considered of as feminists? They are two solely distinct entities. Let’s first tackle what man hater is.

If you tell people that you are a feminist, and most will assume that you are a man hater.

First of all, let us define man hater. It is simply hatred for boys, or misandry. The counterpart is called misogyny, the hatred of women or girls.

You seduce them and then dump them. And you often have a cruel smile of satisfaction as you stick the knife in with such classic parting lines as: "And by the way, I was sleeping with your best friend at the same time . . . and he was much better than you".

Man-haters invariably prefer the company of women, and will go out of their way to ridicule and crush men. They may lead men on until ultimately slapping them down.

They will also enjoy watching feminist comediennes who verbally castrate men, mocking their behavior and revealing the cracks of weakness in their facades.

These are all classic signs of a man-hater.

Can Ex-lovers Be Good Friends?

In relationships, couples tend to pride themselves on being able to talk about anything and everything. The measure of a healthy relationship is often based on honesty, trust, and how comfortable we feel discussing ourselves, our feelings, hopes, and goals. However, there are few topics that can strike more fear and tension into an otherwise blissful union than the opening of the ex-files.

Chances are, you have had lovers before. By adulthood, most of us have a couple of failed bonds under our belts, and reasoning would pursue that our present partners have had the same. Although we are deliberately mindful of this item, most population would rather not recognize any kind about it. If we put a label and a face to the ex of this someone who is now the center of our world, it becomes not hard to put too much reflected into “their” bond alternatively of “our” relationship.