How to Deal with Racist People

Everyday racism has to be tackled by ordinary people.—Adele Horin, Sydney Morning Herald

Growing up in a society in which the face of racial discrimination is often masked and ignored by social media, it is difficult to see where and how we still need to change. Some may argue that we do not need to change, that racism does not exist today.

Sure there are the fading generations of racists that still dwell within small areas of our nation, but we, as a majority, have grown and evolved beyond the racist conventions that polluted our society in the past. People are no longer judged based on the color of their skin or their ethnic background. As Martin Luther King, Jr. had hoped, people are now judged by the content of their character. Sadly, this perspective is not yet a reality.

React calmly

• Convey disapproval or discomfort, without provoking a defensive reaction.
• Question their use of the words or action so you can gauge their intent: “Why do you say/do that?”
• Convey your feelings: Let them know how the comment or joke makes you feel.
• Question their fear. These can be very useful moments to question someone’s fear and ignorance.
• Don’t get triggered. Racists want to push your button to get you angry. Just laugh and keep walking.
• Compliment them on something: ‘Nice shirt’, ‘Nice beard’ or just ‘Love you, mate’.

Research found that speaking up is good for the bystander (lasting satisfaction of having done something), good for the victim of the racist attack (feel a sense of belonging and less damaged by the abuse) and possibly good for the offender (bystander action disproves that their prejudice is the norm and may make them less ready to express it)

React towards the issue, not the person

• Proverb: Buddha says when someone fires an arrow into you, you don’t try and find out who fired the arrow and what they are all about. You concentrate on getting the arrow out.
• Avoid calling someone ‘racist’. People get more upset about being called racist than the fact that their actions were racist.
• Beware of professional racists. “Undercover racists” spend their whole lives trying to be undercover. They have perfected the act of flipping the script no matter what you say about them.
• Point out what breaks social norms. Tell them that their message or action was racist. Doing this conveys social norms (i.e. what is considered to be acceptable).

Example response to a racist email: Reply with a very short email to the effect of: “I received [the thing] you forwarded to me. I think it is racist and was very offended by it. Please do not forward anything like that to me in the future.” Sign off as you usually do with that person (no emotions).

Example responses to a racist ethnicity comment:

• Tell them that you distant yourself and your family from them because you don’t agree with their beliefs. Wish them the best in life and tell them that when they change their tune, they can apologize and re-enter your life.
• Tell them that God loves every color, that’s why he created so many of them.

Example response to a racist joke: “Would you want your daughter or son to hear that joke come out of your mouth?”

Don’t follow your initial emotional response

• Control your anger. If you’re getting worked up you only suffer high blood pressure and stress.
• Consider them “learners”. Remember that they might be less enlightened and tolerant than you are. They might not even know that their comment or action is racist.
• Remain calm. Anger is a weapon only to one’s opponent.
• Expect ignorance. People’s ability to convince themselves they’re not racist is astounding (”I’m not racist, but…”).

Don’t reveal personal details

• Racists love details about your life. When a friend of mine was racially challenged online he started to reveal personal details to prove his case. Don’t do that. Racists will use your data against you.

Don’t react at all

• Don’t waste your energy. People give racist comments for the sole reason of getting attention. Any response, even negative, gives them exactly what they want.
• Focus on other things. By completely ignoring them they are less likely to continue.

Research shows the overwhelming majority of bystanders witnessing a racist incident will remain silent and do nothing, mainly out of fear.

Don’t educate

• Avoid teaching. Don’t get into a big debate or try to educate the person.
• Avoid preaching. Unless you see some indication that the person was willing to listen and to dialogue don’t try to change their beliefs.